Sometimes life gets in the way...

[teryrobertson]

Hi everyone --

In the past month or so, I received a couple of very nasty emails accusing me of using people, of being a moderator here so I could gain something (gee, and us moderators are paid so well <g>) and the writers basically demanded that I apologize to the world for not posting and for taking so long with my website. This is crazy to my way of thinking, however it has been bugging me (kind of like a misquito bite -- it itches for a while after you get bit.)

Anyway, I wanted to let everyone know why I haven't posted here or on my website.

As of a couple of months ago, I've become the main caregiver for my aunt and uncle. She's in the final stages (stage 7) of Alzheimer's and in December he had a stroke. I'm taking care of them. She's no longer able to swallow, and is unable to even function. He's recovering slowly. So, instead of my days being spent working on websites and trying to make a living, they're spent cleaning and wiping and bathing and feeding and then it starts all over again. With Shirley, just to get a glass of juice in her, it's several hours of work. With Ben it's working on speech and motor skills and explaining to him 5 or more times a day why Shirley is just lying there. I'm not writing this to make myself out as some kind of saint, nor to feel sorry for myself or to have others feel sorry for me. I'm just kind of venting I guess.

You see, the emails that I received "itch" more than they should -- enough for me to make a point.

Even though this is the internet and we're all in various stages of trying to make money or to market our services or products, we're still all human beings here. We have feelings and needs and wants and dreams. We all (or should all) have people whom we love and care about. Sometimes those people are more important than a website. In my case, there are 2 of them who are way more important.

Sometimes we (myself included) forget that behind each post, behind each screen name, behind each website, or product or service, there's a real live person. I guess I wonder why the writers of the emails didn't simply ask me where I've been. Why he/she didn't say "hey, where are you? Are you ok?" Why the accusiations, why the meanness, why the nastiness? Why the choice to write in such a way as to try to cause someone pain?

So, to let people know...I'm doing the best that I can. I try to read this forum as much as possible. I'm trying to catch up. I'm trying to work on my internet stuff -- but, as I said in the subject line...sometimes life gets in the way.


Tery
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Tery Robertson
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[Derrick Pizur]

Tery,

Glad to have you back and some of us have "dealt" with people talking bad about you as well. Don't mind them they are jerks.

I have had similar "personal attacks" recently from people on this forum. Just remember that it is a minority of people here unlike "other" forums where negativity is quite common.

Remember you don't owe them anything.

Derrick
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[Matt Gordon]

I'm thinking someone owes Tery an apology.

Just sayin'...



Tery, that's a tough life you've got right now. You'll be in my prayers!


Matt

[Alice Seba]

We defended you here:
http://forum.marketingsecrets.com/about2655.html

For most of us, no explanation is necessary. All the best to you and your family.

Alice
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[Andy Hussong]

Tery,

You just do whatever you need to do to live your life, and if you
get anymore nasty emails, once you see one hint of negativity,
just hit the delete key, laugh it off as someone not worth your
time to stress over, and never give up believing in yourself!

You don't owe anyone a *beep* thing. You earned the prize
from Jeff, and whatever you choose to do with it is nobody's
business. Period.

Visit the board whenever you have time, but if you don't
want to... don't. I check it every so often for about 5 minutes
or so, myself, and then it's back to work.

You've done nothing wrong, so don't let any idiots make you
feel otherwise.

~ Andy

[Michel Fortin]

Tery, you are in my thoughts. My father has Korsakov's disease (like Alzheimer's somewhat), and I'd never have the time, nor the strength, to do what you do.

My hats off to you.

Pardon me for hijacking your thread a bit, but I want to touch on an important issue. People who tend to write nasty, negative emails do so because of the nature of the beast... "emails" themselves.

It's dehumanized and somewhat easy to hit the send button, not knowing how the other person will react (in a visible way). And it's also easy to post one's grievances on an open forum, too, because of the lack of humanness and identity in some cases (with pseudonyms and the like).

There's got to be a greater, deeper, more -- yes, dare I say it -- human reason behind their vitriol.

And that's exactly the point.

People who send emails often have a very human reason for doing so. And judging them for their nastiness is doing exactly the same thing they are doing -- forgetting the human element (such as, "Why are they sending me this? Could they have had a bad experience, too? A bad day? Perhaps someone they looked up to in the past deserted them?")

Think about it for a moment.

If people send nasty emails, there's a reason. And that reason may not be as overt and conspicuous as many tend to assume to be. They tend to naturally assume "they are nasty," or "they hate me," etc.

Not so.

So many events come into our lives and, yes Tery as you pointed out so well, "Life DOES get in the way." Including the lives of those people who are nasty.

Take me, for example. When I posted on my blog about my proposal on stage to my lovely Sylvie, my soul mate (with a video of the actual proposal on stage), I also wrote about my separation and pending divorce. I "let it all out," so to speak. But conservatively, and I'll return to this in a moment.

And then, I got one (albeit is was only one) nasty email. Literally berating me for having left my ex-wife. That I should have stayed, short of having my *beep* cut out. "But that person doesn't know the real story behind my departure," I said to myself.

I did open myself up and explained a few things on my blog. But I didn't reveal everything since I respect my ex-wife enough as to not denigrate her publicly. And this lack of information made this one gentleman very trigger happy.

Nasty. Downright horrible.

As I was contemplating on responding, I reflected on the "real reason" why this person was nasty to me. Perhaps he had a relationship that failed, too. Perhaps an "ex" betrayed him or he was simply having as bad day.

So I resorted to NOT responding. I didn't want to do exactly what this person was doing to me -- judging with not enough information. That would be condoning, in a way, the very thing I'm condemning.

So I wrote another blog post about this very "human" and balanced look at how powerful words can be (since I'm a copywriter by trade, words are important, and in this case, more than we think). More importantly, I posted (and implied) the power of understanding and, above all, forgiveness.

The next day, to my surprise... without seeking it or expecting it...

... I got an email of apology.

Tery, my only point here is, they didn't know the whole story. Your story. But similarly, you don't know theirs. So I hope this message finds you in the comfort that it was intended, in that those nasty emails were not personally aimed at you. They were probably aimed at something about the sender's life of which you have no knowledge.

And you have more friends here -- and people who have personal stories just like you, even the nasty ones -- than you can possibly ever imagine.

For posterity, here's my blog post, "The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword:"

http://www.michelfortin.com/archives/2005/10/the_pen_is_migh/

I hope this helps in some way.
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[Teri]

Michael gives a powerful message here, Tery. You mustn't take these
things to heart. My daughter and I encountered a VERY angry old
person at the store just yesterday. He was loud and abusive and very,
very grumpy towards everyone around him, including myself. I just
smiled and was kind and polite, yet was taken aback at his behaviour.
I put up what I call my ~ invisible shield ~ immediately, and reminded
myself that this mans anger did not belong to me.

I told my daughter that perhaps he was just a very unhappy person,
and maybe things in his life were just not okay. So we said a little
prayer for him. I felt bad for this man, and decided to send out
thoughts of love and happiness towards him. The world is full of so
much pain and loss. Our struggles make us stronger, yet we have
the choice of who we want to be, and how we behave.

I pray you find the strength, love and clarity to find your way through
this difficult time.

Teri
~
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[Jason Moffatt]

Michel,

You are a very nice, thoughtful, and understanding man.

Sylvie is one lucky gal.

(Your pretty lucky too....)
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[Earl Lear]

Tery,

What a great offer of compassion, what a hero.. Take care of your family and while I would agree that nasty comments hurt, but really, at the end of the day, who do you sit down to dinner with?

That's who I would pay more attention to..

Thanks for sharing although I really don't think that it was necessary either.. More importantly thanks for being a person of character!!

Blessings,
Earl Lear
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